A Ridiculous Look At Animals

Flying bats wearing tiny hats pursued a family of rats who recently arrived to live at a community zoo

the elephants protested and so did a kangaroo

the lions and tigers had their say

the monkey’s were furious all day

the zebras simply didn’t care

the bears didn’t know they were there

the aadvarks put out an alert

and they all hid in the dirt

the exotic birds didn’t have much to say

they were just happy to fly and play

the polar bears didn’t stare

because they were unaware

the hippos bathing in pools

thought the rats were fools

the only ones glad to see the rat family

were the snakes… waiting patiently

Anthropomorphism Blues

She sang like a nightingale to a murder of crows in the back rows while the rest of the audience froze

Singing those ‘ol Anthropomorphism Blues!

The chorus of cool cats backing her up took their que from people acting like animals in a zoo

Singing those ‘ol Anthropomorphism Blues!

Lion-hearted heroes chasing dastardly chickens in a deadly race while one weasel tears up the place with his bad-ass base

Singing those ‘ol Anthropomorphism Blues!

No one’s messing with the Monkey’s who are putting together their own blues band with a lead vixen vocalist for a one-night stand

Singing those ‘ol Anthropomorphism Blues!

The earthy sound of a trio of piglets grunting out the blues really brings out appreciative mews and moos

Singing those ‘ol Anthropomorphism Blues!

A Sonnet To Sneezing

14 lines –

Devotees of the sneeze are polite society refugees

They think a sneeze is nothing more than a wet breeze

But, as you and I know, the explosion is a bacterial bomb

And when it’s in your face it’s hard to remain calm

Students of sneezing advise you do so on your elbow

and other ways that are considered apropos

But sometimes there’s nothing you can do

and a sneeze escapes like a lion from the zoo

Because you sneeze doesn’t mean that you have a disease

it could mean a lot of things like an allergy to cheese

I know people who every time they sneeze they have to pee

Sometimes it’s a humorous sight to see

In summary, we all really should agree

that sneezing is a fact of life in any company


Jonesing for Slang?

100 words –

Let’s shoot the breeze and spill the beans until the cows come home. We can pig out on a piece of cake and do the Aztec two-step in a public velodrome. 

It doesn’t always take an ace up your sleeve to deceive, you can make people believe you’re the next best thing to sliced bread, if you use your head. It’s all systems go when you have a bird in hand for a one-night stand.

Just go along for the ride when people think your snide, don’t hide. Slang is here to stay – like rock and roll – it isn’t going away.

The Great Jackalope Hunt

200 words –

“Here’s one! It’s plain to see this animal is half rabbit and half antelope,” Long Tom Silver assured the greedy easterners who eyed the tintype photo and looked around at the vast prairie.

“Come gentlemen! Where is your sense of adventure? These creatures are all over the Western plains. Their meat is an exquisite treat! With your fine rifles you can shoot all you can eat.”

The four dandies looked at one another. The train they just got off let out a robust whistle and rolled down the tracks into the horizon. Long Tom had their horses and gear ready.

“I gotta tell you boys, there were a lot of applicants for this hunt. But like I said in the newspaper advertisement, only four men would be selected for the hunt of a lifetime. You boys made the grade.

“One last thing,” Long Tom said. “I’ll be requiring my fees for this expedition now.”  

The men didn’t looked surprised. It was what they all agreed on. Each handed Long Tom a sack of gold coins.

He took each one with a smile and gave a word of advise, “You boy’s should make a day camp. Jackalopes only come out at night,” he suggested while pointing his horse south towards Mexico.

 

A Paean For Trash

100 words –

What you call trash is another person’s treasure. Be not proud throwaway consumer, for you created trash as surely as Auguste Rodin was a sculptor without peer.

Leftovers have a future when imagination is given free rein. Digging through ancient trash gives us insights into other cultures and what they used on a daily basis. It puts us in touch with the common man who history rudely ignores in favor of kings and queens.

Alley cats fight over scraps of food mingled with trash.

What a tale my trash tells until my wife can stand it no longer, and yells!

So Now You’re A Senior

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You’ve done it!

You lived long enough to be called a senior citizen. Congratulations! It’s better than the alternative right?

Here’s your official cane. Now, I’ll walk you through what it means to be…a senior.

  1. You can accidentally (or intentionally) go to the supermarket with your house slippers on, and no one will even notice.
  2. You’ll get discounts at most restaurants, stores, and movie theatres.
  3. It’s your right to spoil you grandchildren.
  4. It’s your duty to spoil pets, especially little dogs that bark a lot.
  5. It’s easy to get someone to do your lifting.
  6. Clerks will offer to walk you to your car, and will put your purchases in the backseat, or trunk. You get to pick.
  7. Your children will realize you knew what you were talking about when your raised them. (Hopefully.)
  8. You’ll have more time to take about the good old days to anyone who’ll listen.
  9. The older you get, the better chance you’ll outlive your enemies.
  10. You have to retire your bikini.

Even with all the aforementioned perks, you have to realize that your body is falling apart, and you’re going to have mystery aches and pains. Old injuries will remind you of when you were young and active.

As for your memory. It may be slipping a bit, but that’s okay. There’s always lots of people younger than you with bad memories. It’s just part of “The Merry Game” as my grandfather use to tell me.

As It Stands, there’s no such thing as growing old gracefully. Grace has nothing to do with it.