Coming to you live from Alien Arena in downtown Mars City is the 2,386th annual Alien of the Year Awards.
“Hi! I’m your host, Jet Tomay, and have I got an exciting list of candidates for you this year!
“Oh look! the first contestant is coming down the Golden Path already. Meet Babba Hunz, a journalist for Star Sight newspapers in Jupiter’s capital city of Zeenz. Hunz’s scathing editorials against racism has him in the running for the top award this year.”
Suddenly there was a loud roar of approval as the next contestant ambled out on eight legs, carrying the flag of Pluto in one of his four tentacles. Guta Humda was a crowd favorite because of his vibrant personality and ability to make people laugh.
“This is Guta Humda’s third nomination in three years. He’s considered the funniest comedian on Pluto and is known for his philanthropy,” Jet announced.
Loud ominous music broke out as the next contestant slowly, imperiously, walked out on the runway. He was dressed in a black uniform with silver and uranium medals decorating his chest. A silver Death’s Head medallion glittered on his shiny black helmet.
Lord Huntoon, lifetime dictator of Uranus, is a contestant every year. The citizens of Uranus always unanimously nominate him for the Alien of the Year. As he walked down the Golden Pathway there were loud hisses and boos.
“Our next contestant, Alo-Ha is from the great planet of Venus. She’s here today for her healing powers and social karma. Alo-Ha didn’t want the recognition, but her followers insisted she come.”
The lights went dim for a moment, then loud rap music flooded the airways as the contestant from Neptune, Junz Iona, broke out into some fancy dance moves without twisting his three legs up.
He was the most famous entertainer on Neptune, and this was his first appearance at the awards ceremony. His positive energy kept Neptunians dancing, even in the hardest of times.
The judges, who are from a different solar system, are totally unbiased. Their picks have never been disputed.
“From the planet Earth, we have Ernie E. Einstein (a distant relative of the great Albert Einstein) for his work on wormholes, teleportation, and social constructs leading to lasting peace on Earth,” Jet announced.
“And finally, we have Mercury’s nominee, Sa Sa Bem, the most famous actress on the planet. Sa Sa spends her spare time helping out the homeless in the streets of Mercury’s capital, Arn Hem-Do.”
Sa Sa Ben waved her flippers in acknowledgement of the cheers that broke out when she slithered down the Golden Pathway.
It took the judges two hours to agree upon a winner and to give Jet the results.
“And the Alien of the Year is…”
As It Stands, who do you think should have won?