The Broken Puzzle

he was a puzzle to all

there were so many pieces to his personality

that people were in awe

he played the guitar

and smashed mouth soccer

and was an international star

women longed to bask in his glory

his rugged good looks charmed them all

they loved everything about his story

so, when he disappeared one day

no one knew what to say

the rumor around the neighborhood

was that he ran away

screaming into the night!

-30-

The Last Train to Crazy Town

Take the last train to Crazy Town

And I’ll meet you at the station

You can be here by 4:20

‘Cause I’ve made your reservation

Because I’m the mayor of Crazy Town

Where there are no rules

Good times are happening

And there’s no schools

There’s only one train each month

going to my Crazy Town

it’s a getaway worth your time

And a great place to hang around

Time is wasting away

Don’t miss this opportunity

to laugh and play

In the Crazy Town community

-30-

When Silence is Golden

There’s a time to be silent on your road ahead

to listen to your heartbeat

and the words that dance in your head

there also comes a time to speak out

to rage against the machine

and to stand up for truth

without any self-doubt

life comes at us in seismic events

both high and low

and without precedents

there’s no rights or wrongs

only the here and now

told in clever folksongs

      -30-

When You Sleep at Night

while you slumber in a deep sleep

doors open

paths are revealed

as your subconscious

explores each new field

secret vaults in the corridors of your imagination

where your soul is concealed

open with prophetic dreams

that are unsealed

in the light of a new day

       -30-

Deep Fakes and Fears in Suburbia

the rumors grew faster than centipedes on steroids spreading into living rooms across suburbia USA

they were often dark and sinister hinting at a terrible apocalypse coming any day

some of the rumors were really just scary stories about serial killers looking for prey

in their insulated neighborhoods disguised as IRS agents who just want to do a personal survey

another persistent rumor that slithered through suburbia was that a great transformation was underway

but to the chagrin of the rumor bearers – just what was coming – they couldn’t say

              -30-

The Seeker

he felt a warm wind on his back

as he ventured to the other side of darkness

seeking the holy blue lotus

in a sacred quest

as the ancient gods looked on in disapproval

the novice reached for the heavens

and got too high

and the results were brutal

-30-

Nutty

I Walnut disappoint you

said the Pecan to the Cashew

here’s some nutty jokes for you:

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas in celebration

Why didn’t the Pecan go to the ballet?

It was playing the nutcracker that day!

What do squirrels eat at the fair?

A-corn dog in a bun

Why was the peanut butter upset at the retirement party?

He was roasted by a fellow employee!

What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?

A Walnut that won’t fall

How do you sum up a cashew?

In a nutshell or two

I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!

said the almond to the cashew

I float like a butternut, sting like a bee

the chestnut said to the fruit tree

-30-

(Humor) An Interview with Jesus

Bob “Scoop” Nelson was an internationally known investigative reporter with the reputation for getting interviews others couldn’t get. He’d been around the globe a few times in his 21-year career and wasn’t easily impressed by his famous subjects. But he had to admit getting Jesus Christ to sit down for an interview was the pinnacle of his career.

Scoop was nervous, curious, and excited at the opportunity. He had a slew of questions written down in his reporter pad in case he was too overawed to come up with spontaneous questions. He acknowledged the meeting would be a miracle despite not being a religious man. He thought to himself that it was about time Jesus came back. If there was ever a time humanity needed him most, it was the 21st century.

Talk of the Apocalypse is rampant across the earth and for good reason. Mankind now has the ability to obliterate all life on the planet thanks to nuclear bombs. Hot wars are raging on all the continents and the climate crisis gets worse yearly. Scoop was trying to decide where to begin the interview when Jesus spoke, “Peace be upon you Scoop,” and smiled across the table separating them. The room was empty of all distractions with only one window looking out at the picturesque countryside. It was Scoops hideaway on an unnamed island that he retreated to whenever he wanted to get away from so-called civilization.

SCOOP –Thanks for this chance to interview you oh Son of God.

JESUS – “You don’t have to be so formal. Just call me Jesus. What would you like to know my son?

SCOOP – (Forgetting to look at his notes) “Who’s going to win the World Series? No…no… I’m just kidding. Trying to lighten the moment it’s not every day I come into a holy presence such as yourself.

JESUS – “The Yankees!

SCOOP – “What the…?

Jesus – “Just joking. It’s not every day I talk with a Yankee fan.

SCOOP – (Picking up his reporter pad)Okay then. When will the final end come for all humanity?

JESUS – “Have you got a watch?

SCOOP – “Oh no!

JESUS –Relax! Just joking with you again. Touchy. Touchy. My boss doesn’t allow me to give an exact time, or date, when the final reckoning will come. He just wants everyone to repent right now and be ready for the big day.

SCOOP – “Gee… I’m not sure if my heart can take too many more jokes like that. Okay then. I’m an American. My question is simple. Is Donald J. Trump the spawn of the Devil, or the Devil himself?

JESUS –In the Bible I warned of false prophets. Trump is a cult leader, aka a false prophet, and a threat to your republic and the whole world. That’s the reason why I’m here with you today. The Big Guy and I decided to bless your efforts at educating Americans and the rest of the world about the cataclysmic consequences of letting Trump get re-elected. president.

Scoop put his reporter pad down on the bare table and bowed his head. For once he was speechless. He suddenly had a new mission in life. A new, and more noble purpose than making money and living like a hermit. When he looked up Jesus was gone and there was a piece of paper lying in the center of the table.

“Actually, I wasn’t joking. The Yankees do win it all this season!”

-30-

The Last Match

The wind hammered down the narrow Sierra Nevada Mountain trail, followed by hail and then a blanket of snow as the man looked for somewhere safe to go…


he was covered by his old slicker poncho pulled over his sagging hat and leather clothes, a lone traveler who was nearly froze, but who was able to walk even though he couldn’t feel his toes……

when the snow stopped and the night crept up like a rattlesnake, the traveler had a decision to make, if he were to survive, he’d have to find shelter to stay alive…

when to his relief he found a small cave in the mountain’s side, an opportunity to get warm inside, where his biggest desire was to start a fire so the heat could get to his frozen feet…

he gathered some twigs and leaves off the dirt and knelt down while drawing a little cardboard box from his shirt, that to his horror only contained one match…

that he could feel and dimly see, a wooden key to warmth and being frostbite free, he sat there for what felt like an eternity, hesitant to see if the match would be able to relieve his misery…

holding the cardboard box on its side he took the match and let it slide across the rough surface and suddenly there was a spark, he lit the fire, and chased away the cold and the dark.

-30-

Brandon Andress

Author. Writer. Adventurer.

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